Taking a Step Back to Go Forward

Today I got smacked over the head with a lot of meaning. It was an overload that led to some cognitive dissonance.

How did this happen? The day started like any Saturday, with a nice coffee and breakfast. I wanted to rest and I started reading a story about Tolstoy. More to the point, it was a story about people who are fascinated by searching for the hidden meanings in Tolstoy’s great stories and “Tolstoyanism”. The story pulled me in and I found myself connecting with the characters. The more crazed they became, the more I found them to be sympathetic. I was drawn emotionally into the absurdity of the moment. In a sense, I was there at the absurd conference at Tolstoy’s manor.

I enjoyed the experience, and It got me thinking. But not thinking in a constructive way. My mind started racing around and dredging up lots of memories of people I have known over the years. What a tremendous amount of energy I could feel! Not energy to do anything in particular. But energetic challenges about whether there was meaning in my own life. What was meaningful and what was not?  The analytical (left side) part of my mind kept suggesting that there was no meaning. That I had been a fool.

This happens to us all, and it can be a bit frightening. It can disrupt your plans. Overturn schedules.

What to make of it? It is like weather in the outside world. You need to step back and marvel at yourself. Watch and sympathize and allow yourself time to see some of the disparate elements that go into “you”. Later on, you can try to make sense of it all and do something about it. Later on you can strategize about what to do. But not yet. Step back first and watch the fireworks!

I found doing the dishes and the laundry also helped a great deal.


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